Five questions are answered in curious ways. Thanks F. F details the setting of our interview, which apparently, according to F, occurred in person under grand circumstances, F narrates for my inner monologue:
I was seated poolside down at the Beverly Hills Hilton waiting for F. I had already lit my third cigarette and the busboy was clearing my appetizer- an artichoke compote that I had barely touched- when a voice behind me growled “let’s get this over with”. I turned around and there he stood, in a two-button linen suit by Armani, white alligator shoes by Dolce & Gabbana, and a black shirt with no tie by Ralph Lauren Purple Label. The way the sun haloed him reminded me of red carpet photos I’d seen of him before. Only this time he gripped an unlit H. Upmann cigar between his glistening teeth and Penelope was nowhere to be seen. He extended a tanned hand to me and sat down, waving off the maitre’d who came to offer us a bottle of Veuve Cliquot on the house. I quickly recovered my composure and remembered how long this guy had kept me waiting. I started with the questions immediately.
RG: What are you doing today?
F: I am sitting in a plush apartment in the middle of Rome, smoking caramel tobacco out of a sunburst-orange passatore pipe with the windows closed, and putzing around on the internet.
RG: What do you wish you were doing today?
F: I wish I were spending time outdoors with the (hypothetical) woman I love, going rock climbing, swimming in a brisk freshwater lake, cooking a filling and heart-healthy meal, and then after dinner tearing into an ounce of homegrown weed and reading up on theoretical physics. After which, of course, the lovemaking would commence.
RG: Where do you hope to see yourself in a year?
F: I have no optimism about where I will be in a year; I expect failure so much that I can only guess I will be waiting tables to support my habits of photography and filmmaking. Maybe I will be blogging too (“setting the bar low”).
RG: What is your greatest weakness?
F: Laziness, or sloth as the Hebrews put it best.
RG: BUT what is you actual greatest weakness, as in, what don’t you tell your interviewer?
F: I have trouble caring about anything thanks to what I’ve learned from Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Robert Anton Wilson, and John S. Bell. And Uli, the nihilist.
RG: If you won the lottery, would you choose for the lump-sum, or the lesser sum over a series of time?
F: I would take the staggered sum and never work a day job. Learn how to surf and drive across Australia. Yeah.